Okay. Let's pretend you are pretty cute but kinda dumb. And you also get a swanky internship at the teen version of a swish magazine. You have equally silly friends. You have a stupid, but equally rich boyfriend from highschool. He seems kind of unemployed. You buy him golf clubs for his birthday. Maybe you two will spend the summer together at a beach house.You get excited about boys at photo shoots and by sparkly clothes. You have a boss who has a very pinched mouth. You never seem to do very much work, but you do get offered an internship. In Paris. Paris is Mecca in fashion. Even your dumb friends are all "You gotta do it, right?" But what about your stupid boyfriend and the little beach house of vapidness? Desicions, desicions.

Fashion Mecca with French boys or Beach House of Vapidness with loser boyfriend?

Dumbass.

Dear J-Lo:

How's it going? I used to sort of hate you. I mean, I loved you in Out of Sight. You and George were smoking hot and you have a great ass. But then the whole Ben thing happened. You know, when you guys loved each other and then you put him in that stupid video for the song whose hook you stole from the Beatnuts, and Ben kissed your ass (like literally) and then you made him get tanned and polished and seemed to suck his soul. And then you totally went to a Red Sox game with him and were photographed filing your nails, unlike that new Jennifer who seems to glow when at Sox games. And then you guys (thankfully) broke up and then you married poor, emaciated Marc Anthony. And you made a lot of very shitty movies. Like a ton. And wore some really ugly clothes. So anyway, your new MTV show Dance Life kinda kicks ass. I've always kinda wanted to be a dancer, you see. And these kids are all bitchy and hard bodied. The gay dudes are total bitches (which, of course, is the only kind on tv). And one kid is dating a freaking Pussycat Doll. And they cry and diss each other. And then they dance for you and Marc (who seems very excited to be there. It was nice of you to include him). There was even a freaking Fame-style dance interlude, meant to show how introspective and deep the dancer is. So keep it up, Jenny, even though I know you are totally not still from the block. And don't think I've been fooled by the rocks that you've got.

Love Joanna

P.S. Please feed your man. He looks pale.

So I watched American Idol last night (and I'm watching it tonight too). And it's the bad auditions. Maybe I'm a sap, but I have trouble watching them. The children (even though some are in their 20s) are usually dressed strangely (clothes that don't fit) are almost always fat or have acne, they are pasty white, possibly gay, of indefineable gender (sometimes) they can't dance and they sure as hell can't sing. They seem lost. confused, insane. Some seem embarassed. And some seem blissfully unaware. So do their parents/friends, who often encourage them. Maybe they are lost, confused and insane as well. My favourites are the ones that scream "Fuck Simon and Randy!! Especially Randy...I mean, Simon!!! Paula was okay. I'm so auditioning next year. Cause I can sing... All my friends say I can. I'm gonna be famous. Fuck Paula!!"

That's Breena. The skinny guy before her couldn't sing, couldn't dance and couldn't juggle. He was told so. He bust out of the room, cussing like a sailor. His Mom (possibly) assured him he'd get there, he was only 16. He screamed ''I wanted to start out famous!'' That's Breena's reaction shot, which sums it all up. Unfortunately, she sang like ass too.

I am taking a rather dull HTML course (because this arty-girl needs some real world skills) on Thursdays. So I was unable to catch a show I've been wanting to watch called "Ugly Betty". I have a serious pseudo-gay crush on Salma Hayek, who executive produces it and has a little part in it. Not only is she a total babe, but she is very smart and a fine actor. But I also totally love it's star, America Ferrera. I remember her in a tv movie called Real Women Have Curves, where she plays a young Latina who wants to be a writer. And she was my absolute most favourite part of The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. She plays Carmen, and her chunk of the story involves her visiting her estranged father who is getting re-married and is essentially white-washing his life. She has a scene where she completely call him on his bullshit. And I loved her for it.
And look at that picture. She's cute!